Questions we should all be asking

just because you think it doesn't mean you have to believe it

Oct 03, 2025

When last we saw Ruby she was enjoying Gator’s company at the very same time she needed to be taking care of business. She was lost in time. Now she’s dealing with the consequences……

That horrrrrible feeling that goes along with having messed up. How do you carry on with that feeling going on inside of you? And alll the thoughts that go along with it? At last Ruby manages to sleep…….

The next morning Ruby remembers her dream…

“Johnny Mathis was fired the first time he played the Apollo. They booed him right off the stage. He came back the next year and killed ’em with ‘Chances Are’. He ain’t never looked back since.”

She acts on what her drream was telling her and… gets back up and in the saddle!

If only moving through a tough time were always so easy: your ego goes off duty as you sleep and words of wisdom come to you… you wake up the next morning knowing what to do… and you do it.

All better.

But what do you do when your ego stays on duty and, instead of words of wisdom, there’s a barrage of stories about yourself and the way things are that really hurt you?

What do you do then?

You do The Work

The Work by Byron Katie is the work of asking questions.

Questions that loosen up what your ego is telling you.

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it.
It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring.”
~ Byron Katie

Remarkably, when we question what we’ve been believing the ego relaxes. And when the ego relaxes, something else can show up.

Wisdom.

An illustration of how The Work works…

Let’s take Ruby’s getting fired situation and put it through the paces of The Work.

First things first — just like with tapping — you set yourself up with some Noticing….

NOTICE & WRITE

Who or what upsets you? Why?
Travel in your mind to a specific situation where you were angry, hurt, sad, or disappointed with someone. Witness the situation. Be there now. Notice, name, and feel the emotion you were experiencing at the time.
Capture your stressful thoughts using short, simple sentences.
Write down your responses without censoring yourself. Allow yourself to be as judgmental, childish, and petty as you were in that moment.

Ruby setting herself up…….

1. In this situation, who angers, confuses, hurts, saddens, or disappoints you, and why?

Ruby: I am angry with MYSELF because I fucked up AGAIN. I fucked up so bad it got me fired. I am a stupid, irresponsible flake and I hate myself for being this way.

2. In this situation, how do you want this person to CHANGE? What do you want them to SAY OR DO?

Ruby: I want to be better than I am right now. I want to turn into someone who is easily on top of her game, gets things done, and doesn’t have to struggle all the time. I want to become someone who is good at making money. I want to un-make the mistake I made that got me fired. I want to have seen Gator and just kept going without stopping to watch him dance. Without stopping to talk.

3. In this situation, what advice would you offer this person?

Ruby: The advice I would give myself is, “Ruby, get a better brain so you’re not so easily distracted and you can finally be more responsible.”

4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need this person to think, say, feel, or do?

Ruby: In order to be happy in this situation I either need to be able to do it over again RIGHT or I need to stop hating myself for the way it went. I need to forgive myself which feels impossible. I need to be able to say to myself, “Ruby, it’ll all be OK” and then I need to be able to believe that.

5. What do you think of this person in this situation?

Make a list. (It’s okay to be petty and judgmental.)

Ruby: I think I am not good enough to do anything in life well. I think I can’t keep a job. Nobody wants me. I make people angry. I make stupid decisions because I AM stupid. I hate myself. I think I suffer from arrested development. I think I am not capable of taking care of myself. I think I am simple — as in, not smart.

6. What is it about this person and situation that you don’t ever want to experience again?

Ruby: I don’t ever want to fail again. I don’t ever want to be so stupid again. I don’t ever want to lose a job again. I want to stop being a failure!!!

Great Work setting yourself up, Ruby! Now time to…

QUESTION

Isolate one thought. Ask Questions.
Question each of your statements — one at a time — using THE FOUR QUESTIONS and THE TURNAROUNDS. Use short, simple sentences to do it.

Here Ruby goes with what Byron Katie is famous for…..

THE FOUR QUESTIONS

Choose one belief from Statement 6 to work on.

Ruby: I am a failure.

Q1. Is it true?

The answer to this question is just one syllable: either YES or NO.

If your answer shows up as a YES, move to Q2.
If it’s NO, then experience that NO for a moment, and then move to Q3.

Ruby: Is it true that “I am a failure?” YES

Q2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (YES or NO.)

If your answer to Q1 is YES, ask yourself: “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?”

Ruby: Can I ABSOLUTELY know it’s true that “I am a failure?” …..NNNNO

Q3. How do you react, what happens, when you DO believe that thought?

Close your eyes and witness the feelings, body sensations, and behaviors that arise when you believe that thought.

What images do you see — past or future?
What emotions or physical sensations arise as you witness those images?
How did you treat the other person/yourself?

Ruby: I feel humiliated. I remember all of my many other failures. I see myself staying stuck in life. As a total failure. Never able to get where I want to be. I want to be someone else. Someone smart and capable. More than anything I want to be a success in life, not a failure. But all I do is fail, fail, fail. I want to die. I want to lash out at others. I want to make THEM wrong. Failing all the time is the worst.

Q4. Who or what would you be without the thought?

Closing your eyes, return to the situation. Take a moment to reflect, observe, and experience the situation again, this time WITHOUT the thought. Drop all of your judgments. Who or what would you be without the thought?

Ruby: Without the thought “I am a failure” I would be… stronger. Strong enough to turn into a winner. Without the thought “I am a failure” I would be able to get rich. Or at least make money. I would be loved. It would be easy to love myself. I would be much happier, more at peace.

Great Work with THE FOUR QUESTIONS, Ruby! Now time to…

TURN THE THOUGHT AROUND

Is the opposite as true as, or truer than, the original thought?

Often a statement can be turned around to the self, to the other, and to the opposite. Not every statement has as many as three turnarounds. Some may have just one or two, and others may have more than three. Some Turnarounds may not make any sense to you. Don’t force these.

Try replacing the words “I don’t ever want…” with “I am willing to…” and “I look forward to…”

Original Statement being turned around: I am a failure.

Ruby: I am NOT a failure.
Renal failed ME… by firing me.
I am a winner.
I don’t ever want… to call myself a failure again.
I am willing to… try again.
I am willing to… fail again.
I look forward to… showing the world what a winner I am.
I don’t care if I fail.
Failing is OK with me.

Now find three examples of how each Turnaround is as true as, or truer than, your original statement.

Find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each Turnaround is true for you in that situation. This is about discovering alternatives that can bring you peace.

Ruby: I am a winner because… I got so many incredible stories from Gator into my book. I did a great job getting his exact words. That really does feel like a win.
I am a winner because… I learned how to be a bike goddess even though it was a lot to learn. And when it was going well, it was going REALLY well. I brought smiles to office people and they appreciated it.
I am a winner because… that’s the way George sees me and I trust George.
I am willing to try again. I know this is true of me because I HAVE tried again many times in the past. Like when I was first learning how to ride a bike as a girl… and when I got fired from my coat checking job I tried to find another job…. and also when it was really hard to find an affordable apartment I kept trying until I found this one.

Etc. with some of the other TURNED AROUND statements.

But see how much The Work loosens up the thoughts that are causing Ruby to suffer? And how it puts her in a position to move forward?

How about you?

Could you try putting something challenging you’re dealing with through the paces of The Work?

Are you willing to play with what’s in your mind in this way?

Do you think it might be helpful?

Let’s tap

I say we do a Tap & Teach that helps us to anchor the tenants of The Work so that it’s easy to remember how to do it.

Tap & Teach: Questioning The Thought

Take a breath, tune into a stressful thought you’ve been believing. Let it be the one that stings the most right now.

Got one?

Measure 0-10 how TRUE this stressful thought feels.

Begin tapping on the side of the hand…

Even though this thought feels so true,
I’m willing to question it.
Even though part of me clings to this painful story,
I accept myself as I am.
Even though my ego insists on believing it,
I’m open to another way.

Tapping through the points…

This thought has power over me.
My body reacts when I believe it.
I feel the emotions it brings.
I see the images my mind shows me.
It hurts to believe this thought.
And the truth is…
I don’t have to keep believing it.
Is it true?
My mind says YES.
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
Maybe not.
When I believe it, I suffer.
I turn against myself.
I lose sight of my own wisdom.
Who would I be without this thought?
I would feel lighter.
I would have more choices.
I might even see things differently.
I would be more open to love.
I can turn it around.
There are other ways to see this.
I can find genuine examples that support the turnarounds.
I don’t have to force it — just notice what’s also true.
The ego relaxes when I question my thoughts.
And when it relaxes, wisdom shows up.
I don’t need to fight my ego.
I only need to question the story it’s telling.
When I question, I create space.
When I create space, I remember who I really am.
I can bring this practice into my life, anytime I need it.
And I can love myself in the process.

Stop tapping. Hold your wrist, give it a squeeze on the inhale. Exhale. Let go of wrist and just notice what’s there now. Measure again, 0-10 how true the stressful thought you’ve been believing feels now.

And here’s one that will take less than a minute……

Super Quick Tap: Question The Thought

Even though I’m believing this story,
I’m open to questioning it.
This thought feels heavy in me.
But maybe it isn’t absolutely true.
Without it, I would feel lighter.
I don’t need to fight my mind — just question it.
As I question, wisdom shows up.

Thanks for tapping along! Join us next time when Ruby meets a great lady… and learns how to not fall down on a bus!