Could you be a little LESS specific, please?
Sometimes being CRYSTAL CLEAR about what you want is exactly what's keeping you stuck.
Dark and desolate. Been there ever?
We find Ruby sitting at the end of a long, dark pier… in the middle of the night... all alone.
The dark, desolate setting is a match for her inner-world (see Installment 3 for why). She’s doing what she can to get her bearings….
In HEROIC JOURNEY parlance….
Ruby is in between two worlds
Having left her job as a coat check girl — aka her ORDINARY WORLD — aka The Known — she is now on the verge of something else — aka CROSSING FIRST THRESHOLD into the SPECIAL WORLD — aka The Unknown.
Between two worlds is the absolute best time for a MEETING with a MENTOR — so Poet-O shows up to provide her with something she’s going to need on her journey — aka a MAGICAL GIFT……
WHY the gift of “a wish” is so magical
The act of forming a wish gets Ruby to articulate what she most wants. She phrases it as….
“I wish I had a GREAT VOICE.”
“GREAT VOICE” is magical language because it’s an abstract way of saying “GREAT SINGER.” The abstractness of it opens her mind to other possibilities. Abstract language has that power.
Why?
Because it’s the same language our unconscious mind talks to us in — symbols, metaphors, higher level concepts.
Later, when Ruby’s no longer consciously thinking about it, her unconscious mind mixes “I wish I had a GREAT VOICE” in with other abstract language that Ruby talks to herself in……
Did you ever have that?
Where you thought you knew exactly what you wanted — something clear, specific, super well-defined…
Only to discover later that this ‘highly specific thing’ was just the best your conscious mind could come up with at the time…
And then, as life unfolded, that ‘highly specific thing’ revealed something deeper — something truer — beneath it…
And that deeper desire turned out to be even more of a match for what you really want?
Well, good for you!
That’s what it is to grow and change.
That’s what it is to let go of ideas you once held dear but that are actually limiting who you are now, and open you to something better able to fulfill your heart’s desire.
Here’s some examples to drive the point home…..
Specific (limiting) Goals VS. Abstract (expansive) Goals
Specific: "I want to be a great singer."
Abstract: "I want to express my full self in a way that resonates with and moves others.”
Specific: "I want to earn $100,000 a year."
Abstract: "I want to experience financial freedom."
Specific: "I want to marry someone who is tall, funny, and successful."
Abstract: "I want to experience attraction and deep, unconditional love."
Specific: "I want to be promoted to Director at my company."
Abstract: "I want a career that fulfills me and supports my life."
Specific: "I want to lose 20 pounds."
Abstract: "I want to feel vibrant, strong, and alive."
That’s the idea.
ABSTRACT LANGUAGE
has the power to unlock the unconscious mind’s ability
to find MULTIPLE WAYS to fulfill a desire
5 EASY STEPS to go from Specific to Abstract (with a goal)
First, pick an area of your life where you have a goal.
Step 1: State the SPECIFIC GOAL
Now use your imagination to paint a picture in your mind that fills in this blank. Be as clear and detailed and SPECIFIC as you can be…
“Something I really want to achieve (or change or experience) right now is _________.
(for Ruby it would be “I want to be a great singer.”)
Step 2: Explore what that goal MEANS to you
Now connect to the deeper, emotional reason for your goal by asking yourself…
"If I had that, what would that give me? What would I get to feel, or experience, or become if that were my reality?"
(for Ruby it would be “If I was a great singer, I would feel confident. I’d be able to express myself. I’d have a voice that moves people.")
Step 3: Identify the CORE VALUES behind the goal
This is where the abstract language comes in. You have permission to ditch the specifics and find out what’s left by asking yourself…
"If I take away the specific details, what are the qualities or experiences I’m really craving?"
(for Ruby it would be "Expression. Power. Connection. Authenticity. Joy.")
Step 4: Transform the goal into an ABSTRACT desire
Now use the abstract language you came up with in Steps 2 and 3 to craft a phrase that feels emotionally true to you by asking yourself….
"How do I rephrase this goal in a way that’s more about those qualities I came up with?"
(for Ruby it would be "I want to have a voice that is powerful… authentic… and full of joy.")
Step 5: TEST the Abstraction
Finally, say aloud the goal as you phrased in Step 4 a couple of times and to find out of it feels empowering and exciting. Ask yourself…
"How does it FEEL when I say it this way?"
If it lights you up, you’ve found the right abstract way of saying it.
If it feels vague and hollow, rework it until it lights you up.
(At this point Ruby is saying, "That feels amazing. It’s so much more right than just being a great singer!”)
GREAT JOB if you just did all that!
Now use what you got and fill in these blanks…
"Even though I want to __________ (the specific way you phrased the goal in Step 1),
I now realize what I really want is ________ (the more abstract way you phrased the goal in Step 4).”
Let’s tap….
You’re now set up to TAP OUT any attachment to things needing to go a certain way and TAP IN openness any and every way this goal wants to show up.
Thanks for tapping along, and I’ll see you in the next installment of Ruby’s Very Good Thing where… Ruby commits wholeheartedly to the adventure!
P.S.
Here’s easy access to earlier Installments of Ruby’s Very Good Thing if you need to do a little filling in….
This is enlightening idea. We are often asked to "get more specific" and yet, that can actually limit the possibilities before we're ready to take that step. AHA!